So, I was still unsure of the result so I made a reading upon my recent attempt to pass the first zonei of Necronomicon. Outcome of the reading was quite straight. Passing the gate would be fail if I believed so, result of such action matters a lot on your belief, belief is the key to the success, the actual key to attaining power.
It's probably the same as with crossing the Abyss, if I didn't believe in my success and if I omitted my experiences, it would be the same as if I never crossed the Abyss to begin with.
This whole experience changed my belief a lot. I don't have a simple belief, now. It's more like belief in my belief. Kabbalah helped to attain this viewpoint, too.
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